Ansijia

thanks! i'm really curious to know HOW? how do you transform it while meditating if I may ask? Do you observe that anger, or yourself, or just let it all go, or what?

yes, I came to know that I'm performance perfectionist and the roots are deep, all these wrong perceptions of ourselves are shaped throughout the childhood

Interesting topic, thanks AsheSkyler Since my school years I've been into self-exploration, collected articles from newspapers and magazines on esoteric, mystical and paranormal events, was inspired by Indian yogis practicing in solitude in Himalayas. Reincarnation, chakras, aura, energy fields all sounded right. In my 20ties I became a disciple of an Indian meditation teacher. After almost a decade of taming it, I had to face a major outburst of sexual energy where I lost it. The only advice I could get was to pray and meditate that no longer worked, Master had already passed away (I do credit him for subtly guiding me and re-directing the excess energy into more productive expressions, when he was in his physical). I had no knowledge and understanding what's really going on. It was a very hard period with lots of emotions and feelings uprising, that however gave me an impulse to look for a new direction in life. I left that path and embarked on a new journey with a quest to find out more about that energy thing. Explored kundalini and other yoga schools, reiki, tantra and few other things, then found a book by M.Chia from where I got interested in qigong. I started learning about Taoist philosophy which made a profound impression on me with its' many ways of practical application in all the areas of life. And I do want to know more of it. I hardly shared this with anyone, and never in public. Good to let it out though.

Hi Cat, can you please give an example on how to perform that cleansing with qigong? thanks!!

It' s a great example of transforming anger into something good, thanks for sharing. I understand that energy by itself is not good or bad, we give it the meaning. Energy can be used in a productive way and I'm interested how in practice alter that polarity, perhaps should start in my mind.

hi Morivou, thanks for a beautiful post. I also feel music has a great capacity to connect all things out there. Good luck in finding own way to express your unique perception through art!

It's brave of you to open up about your experiences and I feel your sincere search for guidance. If you ask for advice, I' d say listen to yourself. But I also see it might be difficult at the moment as you're overwhelmed with too much info, sensual experiences, states, your own searching mind gives you no break. Btw, I'm not sure what is actually your intention here: is it to get a practical guidance, or to speak out about your experiences which you can't do with your family and friends, discuss with those who will understand you, feel understood, supported. In case it' s the former, everyone here gives their own best suggestions, but it's as if you want to become a professional athlete and you ask other accomplished athlets for their advice. One says swimming is the best, you take swimming classes for a bit, still you feel somewhat not sure and when someone suggests you to join a soccer team you try it out, then some other advice comes in... Will you achieve anything in such a way? I don' t think so, you' ll just get even more distressed and confused, your disbelief in yourself and others will gradually increase. My feeling is that at this point what can really help you is an order and I'd even say you need to impose discipline into your life. I know, it' s not easy, for many (including myself), your current state is not easy to manage, but that' s exactly what it needs. I think it' s the only way for you to start learning how to manage yourself instead of letting all these different states, feelings, emotions, thoughts, etc govern over you and throw you all over the place. You need to get your life into a good order, a routine and the sooner you start, the faster you'll see the result. So, in case if you seek practical guidance, I think there' s nothing wrong in asking for direct guidance and if you haven' t done yet so, get connected with a person, perhaps from this forum, who have gone through similar experience, I think few people here made their remarks based on that. Take time to get to know each other, feel if the connection is right. However, mind you, it will require all your willpower to commit and most importantly to stick with your decision, follow though the advice and keep on practicing regardless of the ever changing states, thoughts, emotions and what others tell you. Even if you go off track, it' s ok, just get back and continue from where you stepped off. Time will definitely bear a fruit. Blessings and good luck to you!

hmmm.. it' s a little hard to navigate online shop as it' s in Chinese. I sent them a question about all Engl.lang. titles available and int'l delivery, will post the answer asap

Master Nan's school in Suzhou was very kind sending me the website of their online bookstore (The Laoku Books ),which is the authorized bookstore selling master Nan's books, also in English . http://www.laokubook.../Item/1406.aspx . nice of them

Thanks for the "Powerful daydreams" Stevepster, that's a good one! Yesterday I got my mixtures of forest "gifts", a supply will last for a week, but this medicine is the most bitter of all I have had so far. Well, hope it' ll help, I am so low on energy these days, don' t understand what' s happening with me. Yunnan has many beautiful places. Chicken's foot mountain lol it's one of the most popular snacks, they do eat it all here...

Hi Stevepster, " a powerful daydream" - would love to hear more on that I've never been to Yunnan myself but heard about few placeslike Tiger Leaping Gorge - a friend toldme it's a great and at times challenging hike. Of courseDali, a place popular with hippies, paradise for grass smokers. TheTibetian Shangri-La of course. What else is there, let' s see,oh, many magnificent sites, lakes, Yangtze river ,the Xishuangbanna with "Six major teamountains" that produce Pu-erh tea . Mmmm, Yunnan sounds like a great plan! I'm surethere are mountains and plenty of temples on them, but as to Sacred mountains, I recentlysaw the post from Stigweard, will try to repost it below, he listed these Sacred sites, none of them is in Yunnan unfortunately.

Dr Wang (yes that's his name) gave me an enormous bag of roots of the forest floor and told me this is powerful medicine to improve my 'spleen qi', 'liver yin' and 'kidney yin'. I took the strange mixture of bark and buds home with me and made tea with it. It tasted foul. ha-ha, indeed these TCM mixtures look and taste peculiar Dr Wang may have started me off on a whole new voyage of inner adventure. Exciting times! These are great times for you! Keep on digging

谢谢 你， 这个主意挺不错的 ：） It indeed is confusing not to be able to understand most of the things being said to me (I attribute part of it to a local dialect LOL) , but on the bright side after 8 months here I can deal with daily situations, express my needs and ask questions. A dictionary in my mob.phone, helps a lot.