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#33 Harmonious Emptiness

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    道德

    Putting Classical Chinese thoughts into English words.

    The space between the notes...

Posted 14 June 2012 - 03:01 PM

+++ for Sloppy's advice. Skip the therapy and find a good martial artist who will train you physically, mentally, and emotionally. Like he said, beware of some gyms (especially the full contact ones) where there seems to be a lot of meat-heads - you won't learn anything but stupidity.

I would add various kinds of kung fu to the search. The instructors usually have a high level of self control and discipline and they know how to push their students in the right way to force them to overcome their mental and physical blocks, including fears and lack of self confidence. With practice you will realize more of your potential and not be afraid to fall. The ground is just another angle to strike from!

You've got some work to do. Enjoy the journey and start walking!!
Be humble, believe in yourself.

"Will is a functionary of desire. When you have many desires, then your mind is scattered; when your mind is scattered, then your will deteriorates. When your will deteriorates, then thought does not attain its object." (from "Master of Demon Valley" trans. by Thomas Cleary

#34 Harmonious Emptiness

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    道德

    Putting Classical Chinese thoughts into English words.

    The space between the notes...

Posted 14 June 2012 - 06:13 PM

btw, by "skip the therapy" I didn't mean to say "skip all the other advice in this thread", just that this action should be the primary step, imo...
Be humble, believe in yourself.

"Will is a functionary of desire. When you have many desires, then your mind is scattered; when your mind is scattered, then your will deteriorates. When your will deteriorates, then thought does not attain its object." (from "Master of Demon Valley" trans. by Thomas Cleary

#35 Sloppy Zhang

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Posted 14 June 2012 - 06:30 PM

+++ for Sloppy's advice.


Thanks for the + :D

I would add various kinds of kung fu to the search.


I would be skeptical about adding these, and other branches of the TMA's to your search (karate, Tae Kwon Do, classical jujutsu, etc). Not that there aren't great arts within them, there are. Unfortunately, their quality and caliber can very GREATLY from school to school.

I started martial arts for self defense. Being able to protect myself and others is important to me. When I was young I threw myself headlong into the art, listened to all the things that "sensei said". I got rocked in BIG way when I found out that real fighters don't always operate according to the pretty model that karate painted for me. Luckily the space it happened in was relatively safe (a full contact cross training event).

It happened kind of young, and gave me a pretty big chip on my shoulder when it came to more traditional styles. But it was necessary to realize one thing: you've got to pressure test your stuff.

Sure, the "streets" have rules. Blah blah blah. But you need to train and practice in ways that will be fundamentally closer to actual combat. When you make friends, you can for sure come up with some really fun ways to simulate combat- multiple opponents, different locations, different clothes, role playing, simulated weapons, etc etc.

The thing about styles such as MMA, boxing, Muay Thai, wrestling, Judo, Brazilian JuJutsu, etc, is they will pressure test in ways you don't get from a lot (NOT all) traditionally informed schools, which may not even let you spar for up to a number of months!



And the important thing as it relates to this thread and the OP's goal is he needs something TANGIBLE that is going to help him build confidence. Will he get fit joining pretty much any martial arts school? Probably. Will he gain confidence in fighting? Probably. Will that confidence hold up under pressure when he must put it to use? THAT'S a HUGE variable.

Again, you might get lucky and be near a traditionally informed school that has the goods. In which case, you seriously lucked out. But you want a sure fire thing, especially if you don't know too much about the arts? Go with the ones I listed already (judo, Muay Thai, Brazilian JuiJuitsu, boxing, wrestling, MMA).


As far as lessons and energy and emotions and all that. Plenty of guys, especially if they train and compete on the amateur or the pro level, are SUPER humble guys. Why? Because when you join an art like Brazilian JuiJuitsu, or Muay Thai, the first six to eight months pretty much consist of you learning how to get hit, learning how to take a fall, learning how to tap to avoid getting a choked or getting a broken bone. Guys who have an ego don't last. The guys who do last are the guys who shut up, take their lumps, learn a lesson from each one, pay attention to the good ones, and don't quit. They're humble on the mat and off it, because not only have they been on the bottom, but once they have gotten good, they don't have to prove anything to anyone! They know they can fight, they know they can perform. They don't have to run their mouth or be an asshole. If they are, they've got bigger problems, and you should find another gym to train, one that fosters a better attitude.
"That place…is strong with the dark side of the Force."
"What's in there?"
"Only what you take with you."
―Yoda and Luke Skywalker

“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” - Arthur Ashe

"Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

#36 OldChi

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Posted 14 June 2012 - 06:31 PM

Essentially when we cultivate, we want to raise are vibration and awareness so we can see past our problems both emotionally and psychological through dissolving blockages. Chi-Gung helps with this.

Good video about the nature of the mind and how to escape the pain of the mind.



#37 Aaron

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Posted 14 June 2012 - 06:31 PM

Im a 20 year old male from london. I've been a loner my whole life and was bullied throughout my school years even when I switched schools. I read that I should learn to love and forgive the people who treated me like this if I want to move on." The worse memory is in my last year of high school was a guy in my class telling me nobody loves me everyday and also saying I would die a virgin, he knew nothing about me personally or my home life but for some reason chose to say this, he was quite popular so everyone laughed along with him and I couldn't really retaliate because he had older friends with violent reputations.

However I struggle with this because I have never really experienced any love and just have no idea love is expressed since I have no experience in receiving love, I can't recall in 20 years of life many positive interactions with other people; bullied at school, no friends, knowone to talk to at home.

Im an only child and have only ever lived with my mum. I started having anxiety attacks when I was 15 when the bullying at school was at it's most intense, my mum was ashamed of me and wouldn't even follow me to the hospital. I've just finished my 1st year of university and it's more of the same, I feel like an alien in that environment and can't seem to form friendships. I feel so alone that if any stranger innocently smiles at me on the train or anywhere in public, I hold on to it in my mind and replay it just to have something positive to hold onto during the day.

How do I let go of the numerous negative memories that I replay in my head so I can learn to love myself and others. At the moment I feel like a ball of negative energy repelling other people?

thanks


Hello Bluemonk,

I'm sorry to hear that you have suffered so much as a child. Nothing seems as painful as the pain we suffer within our minds. I have cut my toe off, have had to have twelve stitches to close up a severed artery, yet the memories that haunt me the most are of the emotional pain others have caused me, and the most painful of those are the ones where I felt helpless.

There's no quick and easy answer to your questions, I wish there was. The truth of the matter is that some people find it very hard to love themselves, most often because they don't believe they are worthy of that love. You've said you feel the same way. The only thing I can tell you is that if you can love another person, then you do love yourself, you just don't know it. The fact of the matter is that love is a two way street, so if you have love for your mother, then within that love is the love you have for your self. But in the same way, hate and shame are a two way street, so if you have hatred for another person, then within that hatred is a hatred of yourself. What you need to decide is which is more important for you, the shame and helplessness you felt, or the love and kindness you have felt.

In regards to good memories, we all have them, just sometimes we choose to ignore them because we get comfortable with the pain, it's almost like we refuse to give it up because we don't know any other way to live. You have to decide for yourself whether you want to continue to live as you have been living or move on and find something better.

Lots of people will tell you how to do that, but I wont tell you, because each person is different. What you need to do, though, is go out and find a charity and start volunteering. The only way to get out of yourself is to give yourself to others. That's not a slogan or nice little phrase, but a fact. Whether it's tutoring your fellow students, helping out at a shelter, or spending time with the elderly, the first step to understanding how valuable you are as a person, is understanding how much you have to offer others. I hope that helps.

Aaron
Visit my blog An American Taoist at http://anamericantaoist.blogspot.com/.
 
 

#38 Everything

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Posted 15 June 2012 - 02:38 AM

How do I let go of the numerous negative memories that I replay in my head...
thanks

I've worked with a person who has the extreme version of this problem. So muh so, that he became afraid of dreaming and got tired from sleeping. Rofl

We solved the problem in 30 seconds. I said, "you try to solvethe problem with your head, your thoughts, but the problem is in your heart!" everytime he kelt talking too much about his problems, I told him seek the answer in your heart. Then he wet talking again. I said "feel your heart, just feel it." thats all you have to do. Is become aware of how your heart feels. It holds the core answers and issues you need to shine your conscious light upon. Any habbit is just an action you keep doing, you don't know you're doing. As you become aware of yourself doing it, it is no longer a habbit, but a choice. That is why expanding your awareness trough "I am" meditation, can bypass all spiritual maps and concepts, straight into liberation.

All you have to do is realize that thoughts are only controlled by the heart. You cannot think your way out of a thought. Emotions are controlled by believe systems and trust. You cannot feel your way out of something you feel. Just like you cannot feel your way into love. You can only surender your self towards the new believe, which determine the meaning you project unto any given situation and thus change the emotional response you have towards this situation. Surrendering the ego, just like "falling in love." Believe systems are controlled by pure beingness and awareness, the "I am" state of being. You can then paste the specifics behind that "I am". "I am this, I all that." all truths are equally valid. Thus, if you surrender your ego completely, you paradoxically can be whoever you want to be. It is not the forsaking of yourself, as most people like to believe. To the contrary! It is the expansion of your self. You become your true infinite self: "existance/being". The "I am" state.

Edited by Everything, 15 June 2012 - 02:41 AM.


#39 BlueMonk91

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Posted 16 June 2012 - 02:12 PM

Poor me, poor poor little me . . .

Relax dude, I think it's a decisive advantage over having an over inflated ego, now just realize non of those aspects you think of as reality are actuality. You really don't need companionship or to be social or have a status or things like that, those things are just imagery of society, which is not even reality let alone actuality.


Im not completely sure of what your trying to say. Surely healthy cultivated people excel in society and have companionship, and getting along in society doesn't mean you have an over inflated ego ???

It seems Humans have better physical and mental health when they are more integrated into society and have companionship.

Thanks

#40 BlueMonk91

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Posted 16 June 2012 - 03:02 PM

I think the hardest part for many is learning to forgive and love oneself, yet it seems like you are on the right path for it and may find a deeper understanding within it, just because love doesn't have some of the connotation instilled as firmly as it is into some.

Have you tried to internally reconcile and come to terms within?

The reason you're not fitting in, could be because the box they are trying to stuff you in is too small.

;)


There may be some bit to truth to this, but if im being completely honest with myself im I don't think im some rebel who has rejected society.

#41 BlueMonk91

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Posted 16 June 2012 - 03:21 PM

I've worked with a person who has the extreme version of this problem. So muh so, that he became afraid of dreaming and got tired from sleeping. Rofl

We solved the problem in 30 seconds. I said, "you try to solvethe problem with your head, your thoughts, but the problem is in your heart!" everytime he kelt talking too much about his problems, I told him seek the answer in your heart. Then he wet talking again. I said "feel your heart, just feel it." thats all you have to do. Is become aware of how your heart feels. It holds the core answers and issues you need to shine your conscious light upon. Any habbit is just an action you keep doing, you don't know you're doing. As you become aware of yourself doing it, it is no longer a habbit, but a choice. That is why expanding your awareness trough "I am" meditation, can bypass all spiritual maps and concepts, straight into liberation.

All you have to do is realize that thoughts are only controlled by the heart. You cannot think your way out of a thought. Emotions are controlled by believe systems and trust. You cannot feel your way out of something you feel. Just like you cannot feel your way into love. You can only surender your self towards the new believe, which determine the meaning you project unto any given situation and thus change the emotional response you have towards this situation. Surrendering the ego, just like "falling in love." Believe systems are controlled by pure beingness and awareness, the "I am" state of being. You can then paste the specifics behind that "I am". "I am this, I all that." all truths are equally valid. Thus, if you surrender your ego completely, you paradoxically can be whoever you want to be. It is not the forsaking of yourself, as most people like to believe. To the contrary! It is the expansion of your self. You become your true infinite self: "existance/being". The "I am" state.

Thanks

This reminds me of gurdjieff for some reason, he said something about our lives and experiences being images of ourselves. So are you saying that one should surrender the identification one makes with their experiences?

#42 Creation

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Posted 17 June 2012 - 09:40 AM

Hi BlueMonk91.

Welcome to the forum.

It is very admirable that you wish to be loving in spite of all the difficulties you have faced and still face. But if you are anything like me, you have a lot of less savory emotions bottled up inside you and you are expending a lot of energy to keep them bottled up in order to be loving. Because of this, continuing to focus on exclusively on the "positive" side, love, will keep much of your energy trapped which, ironically enough, will prevent you from being able to full love.

So perhaps consider finding a practice that will help you feel, accept, express, and release your emotional energies. Even (actually, especially) emotions that you don't want to feel.

You may find that after allowing yourself to feel, say, angry at a person, you have more "space" inside yourself to feel love for them.

#43 Everything

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Posted 17 June 2012 - 11:43 AM

Thanks

This reminds me of gurdjieff for some reason, he said something about our lives and experiences being images of ourselves. So are you saying that one should surrender the identification one makes with their experiences?

Actually the opposite. Don't make a distinction between you and experience in the following sense: The experiences in your life are determined solely by the strongest definition you have bought in to, regarding these circumstances.

Reality is like a mirror, neutral. As you change the meaning you give it, you change the meaning you get. So in a sense, life is meaningless, in the beneficial sense. This fact reveals to you that you have a response-ability towards the meaning you perceive to be. From now on, you don't have to forget that the meaning came from you. Even though it seems to have come from outside of you. Just like unto a mirror.

Smile first, then the mirror will smile back. Also realize that

#44 konchog uma

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Posted 17 June 2012 - 07:12 PM

Actually the opposite. Don't make a distinction between you and experience in the following sense: The experiences in your life are determined solely by the strongest definition you have bought in to, regarding these circumstances.

Reality is like a mirror, neutral. As you change the meaning you give it, you change the meaning you get. So in a sense, life is meaningless, in the beneficial sense. This fact reveals to you that you have a response-ability towards the meaning you perceive to be. From now on, you don't have to forget that the meaning came from you. Even though it seems to have come from outside of you. Just like unto a mirror.

Smile first, then the mirror will smile back. Also realize that


nicely said :)
"All the philosophical theories that exist have been created by the mistaken dualistic minds of human beings. in the realm of philosophy, that which today is considered true, may tomorrow be proved to be false. No one can guarantee a philosophy's validity. Because of this any intellectual way of seeing whatsoever is always partial and relative. The fact is that there is no truth to see or to confirm logically; rather what one needs to do is to discover just how much the mind continually limits itself in a condition of dualism." -Chogyal Namkhai Norbu

#45 BlueMonk91

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Posted 18 June 2012 - 04:38 PM

Actually the opposite. Don't make a distinction between you and experience in the following sense: The experiences in your life are determined solely by the strongest definition you have bought in to, regarding these circumstances.

Reality is like a mirror, neutral. As you change the meaning you give it, you change the meaning you get. So in a sense, life is meaningless, in the beneficial sense. This fact reveals to you that you have a response-ability towards the meaning you perceive to be. From now on, you don't have to forget that the meaning came from you. Even though it seems to have come from outside of you. Just like unto a mirror.

Smile first, then the mirror will smile back. Also realize that


So change the meaning I give to my reality and the reality will adapt to the meaning?




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