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Bad Memories and Love


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#17 thelerner

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Posted 13 June 2012 - 07:21 AM

It's cliche, but you can't do anything about your past. Sometimes all you can do is reinvent yourself. Find out what you enjoy or even what scares you and dive in, do it. Stay busy, put yourself in situations where you meet new people, especially in situations where you can help them.

I was shy in college and joined a service fraternity APO. Unlike social fraternities we had weekly projects to help others, charities, etc. and still had a few parties over the year. Seeing where you can help others gets you moving and amongst good people.


I find Eckhart Tolle's work to be very soothing. When the past stinks and your anxious about the future, you can carve out a little space in the 'Right Now' and find peace and solace. There are library books and free Itune podcasts of his around.
Push hard to get better, become smarter, grow your devotion to the truth, fuel your commitment to beauty, refine your emotional intelligence, hone your dreams, negotiate with your shadow, cure your ignorance, shed your pettiness, heighten your drive to look for the best in people, and soften your heart. A creed from Pronoia

Where we have stopped dancing, singing, being enchanted by stories, or finding comfort in silence is where we have experience the loss of soul. Dancing, singing, storytelling, and silence are the four universal healing salves. ~ Gabrielle Roth

#18 gatito

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Posted 13 June 2012 - 07:35 AM

I think the martial arts idea, or something similar - something physical - is a great idea. Maybe even learning to ballroom dance or something? Find something that you can learn to feel good about yourself, something that you can see your own progress. If you go the martial arts route, then bullying won't bother you because you'll know you have an ace up your sleeve, hopefully never having to use it. This will also open up your world and put you in contact with folks who have more to do than just make someone else's life miserable (because theirs is).




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#19 Clarity

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Posted 13 June 2012 - 09:25 AM

You need to find someone who understands and employs energetic methods to resolve your pain and suffering. Yes, a good therapist is a good idea, but traditional psychotherapy is generally too slow and cumbersome unless it's augmented with energetic techniques.

For example, you have a big load of negative life experiences coming from the spirit (much of it being karma). In order to clear that karma quickly, I would suggest finding someone who can address the root cause of your pain and suffering (e.g. Yuen Method, Matrix Energetics, Now Healing, etc).

Once you clear away the muck that is bogging you down, then you can go look for your own light. Everyone has a spark of love inside them, but usually it's covered up by a bunch of !$!#. Once you find that spark you can begin to feed it.

Here's a correction for you. You have an energetic weakness to breaking other people's hearts and keeping people apart, coming from your spiritual experiences as a karma—now corrected to 100% with infinite potential, deleted to zero and the power of minus infinity.

Sincerely,

-Adam

#20 BlueMonk91

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Posted 13 June 2012 - 09:57 AM

What do you enjoy doing, BlueMonk91? What do you like to do for fun?


Thanks for the replies everyone.....

I spend most of my time making electronic music when im not at uni.

#21 BlueMonk91

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Posted 13 June 2012 - 09:58 AM

What do you enjoy doing, BlueMonk91? What do you like to do for fun?


Thanks for the replies everyone.....

I spend most of my time making electronic music when im not at uni.

#22 BlueMonk91

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Posted 13 June 2012 - 09:59 AM

What do you enjoy doing, BlueMonk91? What do you like to do for fun?


Thanks for the replies everyone.....

I spend most of my time making electronic music when im not at uni.

#23 BlueMonk91

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Posted 13 June 2012 - 01:48 PM

My opinion, which you can discount if it doesn't work for you, if the enviroment your in doesn't change there is very little that can be done. You need to keep up your schooling, first off - becuase making $$ is going to be more important than being popular eventually.

I was bullied from a young age myself. I beat my bully to an unconcious state after class in a busy hallway. Never was bullied again. You could try that, or sneak attack while his back is turned, just hit him with something strong and hard enough to put him down, so he won't get back up.


I was never touched physically although threatened; im 6'3 and quite lean, but physical retaliation was never a safe option becuase the other guys had friends who were known to carry weapons.

Im not in that specific situation anymore but the memories are still fresh as if it happened yesterday and I can't move on becuase if this and the fear that i'll encounter invalidation everywhere I go just makes me isolate myself.

#24 Informer

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Posted 13 June 2012 - 01:56 PM

Poor me, poor poor little me . . .

Relax dude, I think it's a decisive advantage over having an over inflated ego, now just realize non of those aspects you think of as reality are actuality. You really don't need companionship or to be social or have a status or things like that, those things are just imagery of society, which is not even reality let alone actuality.

#25 BlueMonk91

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Posted 13 June 2012 - 02:03 PM

You need to find someone who understands and employs energetic methods to resolve your pain and suffering. Yes, a good therapist is a good idea, but traditional psychotherapy is generally too slow and cumbersome unless it's augmented with energetic techniques.

For example, you have a big load of negative life experiences coming from the spirit (much of it being karma). In order to clear that karma quickly, I would suggest finding someone who can address the root cause of your pain and suffering (e.g. Yuen Method, Matrix Energetics, Now Healing, etc).

Once you clear away the muck that is bogging you down, then you can go look for your own light. Everyone has a spark of love inside them, but usually it's covered up by a bunch of !$!#. Once you find that spark you can begin to feed it.

Here's a correction for you. You have an energetic weakness to breaking other people's hearts and keeping people apart, coming from your spiritual experiences as a karma—now corrected to 100% with infinite potential, deleted to zero and the power of minus infinity.

Sincerely,

-Adam


Im not really clear on what you mean in the last paragraph, your welcome to explain again.

Thanks.

#26 Informer

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Posted 13 June 2012 - 02:27 PM

I think the hardest part for many is learning to forgive and love oneself, yet it seems like you are on the right path for it and may find a deeper understanding within it, just because love doesn't have some of the connotation instilled as firmly as it is into some.

Have you tried to internally reconcile and come to terms within?

The reason you're not fitting in, could be because the box they are trying to stuff you in is too small.

;)

Edited by Informer, 13 June 2012 - 02:30 PM.


#27 Informer

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Posted 13 June 2012 - 02:33 PM

Im not really clear on what you mean in the last paragraph, your welcome to explain again.

Thanks.



He may think that he's teleporting around in the astral realm fixing people, heheh.

#28 BlueMonk91

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Posted 13 June 2012 - 02:38 PM

I don't know if this will strike you as helpful, but i think that everyone takes their cues on how to treat a person from that person themself. So with that in mind, i encourage you to love yourself, with or without logical or rational basis, or a reason to do so. Do it for its own sake if you have trouble finding logical support for such a position at first. Love yourself because you're the only self you've got and if you don't, others aren't as likely to. Love yourself without needing a reason to. Practice everyday, on the bus, walking, in your own time, taking breaks from reading, just generate love for yourself in your heart.

Engaging in spiritual practice like meditation helps one to love themself. There is a buddhist meditation called Metta in which one generates lovingkindness in themself for themself, then for a loved one, then for a neutral person, then for a difficult person, then for all beings throughout the world(s) without exception. If done regularly (it only takes 5-10 minutes) it can really affect your ability to generate love! I suggest that you read a little more about it before you practice it. A web search will turn up some instructions and information.

I hope that you can change the flow of events in your life to become more positive and loving! Bless you!


I've been meditating for a couple of years now and my anxiety attacks have stopped, meditating helped very quickly. As for loving myself i've tried to take an idea from the desiderata poem I read about all beings equally deserving in their place in the universe; "You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here." I however can't seem to feel that sense of worthiness..... it's a sad question but what does it feel like to actually love yourself?

#29 Informer

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Posted 13 June 2012 - 02:43 PM

I've been meditating for a couple of years now and my anxiety attacks have stopped, meditating helped very quickly. As for loving myself i've tried to take an idea from the desiderata poem I read about all beings equally deserving in their place in the universe; "You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here." I however can't seem to feel that sense of worthiness..... it's a sad question but what does it feel like to actually love yourself?



The energy "center" for love is located at the thymus gland.

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#30 thelerner

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Posted 13 June 2012 - 03:04 PM

As for loving myself i've tried to take an idea from the desiderata poem I read about all beings equally deserving in their place in the universe; "You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here." I however can't seem to feel that sense of worthiness..... it's a sad question but what does it feel like to actually love yourself?

Here is a powerful practice that Santiago who teaches an online Kap class shared with us.

"Safety First: The Secret Smile

The first meditation required for success in the Lightening Path training is the “Secret Smile”. Always begin your practice with the secret smile. You want your body to be very happy. That way your hormonal system will cooperate and you will avoid discomfort. I have observed that kundalini moves best through a happy camper and this meditation is a process for internalizing an intensely positive mind-state. A certain degree of intensity is required to raise the kundalini and so this practice draws on highly charged positive emotions that most people are familiar with. There are five emotions utilized in the Heaven’s Way Chi Kung, Lightening Path Esoteric Yoga Secret Smile Meditation.


Circulating the Five Intense Positive Mind States

Relaxed Calm: After you are in the fudosai meditation posture and have begun Zen breathing for 5-10 minutes, put a smile on your face. You should actually lift your cheeks so the corners of your mouth turn up. Next tighten your toes until they really hurt and then release them. Do this three times paying attention to the relaxed feeling that occurs with in between each pause. Move that relaxed feeling up from the soles of your feet to your ankles and then up to your calves. Bring it around to your knees and to the heavy muscles of the thighs allowing them to soften and relax. Picture your thorax as a grail filling up with relaxation. Let the intestines, stomach, and lower back fill up as well. Next, allow it to flow up into your chest, upper back, and shoulder so that it overflows into your arms and down to the fingertips. Let your arms fill up until the relaxed feeling begins to move around your neck and up the back of the head coming up over your ears and skull to rest behind your eyes. Catch the feeling with your relaxed tongue and swallow it down to the bottom of your belly where you swirl it around.

Confidence: Remember a time when you did something you were not only proud of but other people recognized your achievement. Pay attention to how you felt. Erase the people and the event while keeping the feeling. Take that feeling down to your feet and bring it up through your body in the same manner as in the active relaxation, but this time you don’t have to tighten your toes. Bring it over you head, mix with the saliva, swallow, and allow it to mix with the relaxed feeling and then the cycle begins anew. Do this for three cycles of more of breath.

Happiness
: Next, picture a time when you were laughing so hard you literally fell down, cracked up, and totally lost it. Take out the joke or situation and hold onto that wonderful feeling. Take that down to your feet and bring it up through your body over your head, swallow it down and mix with the other feelings. Then combine the four feelings to breathe through your body following the identical procedure. Do this for three or more cycles of breath.

Love: Now remember a time when you were in love and felt loving. Take out the loved one and the situation and hold onto that wonderful feeling. Take that down to your feet and bring it up through your body over your head, swallow it down and mix with the other feelings. Then combine the four feelings to breathe through your body following the identical procedure. Do this for three or more cycles of breath.

Ecstasy: The smile is for adults over 19 years of age. If you are sexually active, remember the best orgasm you ever had, and if male, hold onto the movement just before ejaculation and breathe that feeling through your body (as you probably don’t want to stain your trousers and the male orgasm is usually too short for this exercise). If female, let it rip as you breathe through your body from the tip of your toes to the top of your head, down behind your eyes, through the tongue, and back to your belly. This is the power behind the secret smile and one of those important items usually regarded as oral transmission. Do this for three or more cycles of breath.

Once you’ve succeeded in combining all these feelings and moving them from your feet to your head and back to below your stomach, memorize the process. Make it part of your daily practice until it is so easy that it just become a warm up for other methods that sticks with you.

- Dr Glenn J Morris"
Push hard to get better, become smarter, grow your devotion to the truth, fuel your commitment to beauty, refine your emotional intelligence, hone your dreams, negotiate with your shadow, cure your ignorance, shed your pettiness, heighten your drive to look for the best in people, and soften your heart. A creed from Pronoia

Where we have stopped dancing, singing, being enchanted by stories, or finding comfort in silence is where we have experience the loss of soul. Dancing, singing, storytelling, and silence are the four universal healing salves. ~ Gabrielle Roth

#31 Sloppy Zhang

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Posted 13 June 2012 - 04:47 PM

Disclaimer: I'm an American, 22, male, recently graduated college. Maybe things are different in American male culture. But from what it sounds like... doubt it.


You need to get confidence.

Guys give each other shit all the time. All. The. Time. It's part of being a guy. Male culture involves competition and one-uppping each other. You don't necessarily have to win, but you have to gave the guts to at least hold your ground.

I lived in a guys' dorm in college. And stuff like this happened all the time. Girls would comment on it to me, "it's so stressful when you hang out with your friends, because you just fight each other and talk shit to each other all the time!" I'd tell them that these guys were some of my best friends, and in one-on-one situations were great guys. But get us all together.... and hey, guys give each other shit.

Now for my friends and I it came from a good place. We had limits, and knew not to cross the line. But even positive male relationships you give each other shit. Not to knock each other down, but to get you to rise to the challenge.

Now some people come from a harmful place. Some people DO try and hurt. And when they sense weakness? They're like sharks smelling blood in the water. You're over. And here's the thing: the deeper in you get, the harder it is to get out of. If you let it slide once or twice, it's MUCH harder to get rid of it than it is if you never let it slide at all.


You need to have confidence and you need to stand up for yourself.

Start working out. Even better, learn a martial art. A competitive, full contact one. Judo, Muay Thai, Brazillian JuJutsu, boxing, wrestling, and/or mixed martial arts. These will do a number of things: it will get you in shape, it will get you used to handling conflict, and after you get good, it will give you a TANGIBLE reason to have confidence in yourself. You'll be able to look at your body and see the improvements. And when you start winning rounds (even if you just spar in the gym and don't compete competitively) you're going to realize that you can handle yourself.

Go to the gyms, meet the guys, tell them you want to get healthy and you want to learn how to handle yourself physically. The vast majority of guys who train in these contact sports are great guys. Why? They don't have anything to prove. They do their talking on the mat. Watch out for guys who try to hurt the other guys. If you get any vibes that remind you of your school time bullies, just leave and find another place. You said you were in London- I bet you'll have a lot of places to look.

Doesn't matter if you're scrawny and skinny, or fat and loose your breath easily. Everyone has to start somewhere. Chances are a lot of the guys in there were in a crappy place to start with, know where you're coming from, and as long as put in the effort, will help you out. Listen to them, show you're willing to learn, take their tips, and get better.

Now, socially speaking, stand up for yourself in front of other guys. If someone gives you shit, tell them to fuck off. You don't have to get physical. But you need to tell them they need to run their mouth elsewhere. Ideally, get good at coming up with comebacks. Learn how to turn situations around to your advantage. An easy beginner way to do this is to use an "agree and amplify" strategy.

If someone comes up to you and says "you're going to die alone and a virgin", you can say "probably. You think I'll overdose, or cut myself?" Shrug it off, say it with a laugh.

You can get more confrontational. "Doubt it, your mom seems pretty easy..." You can say it with a wry smile too, act like it's a joke. Dunno about London, but a "your mom" dig universally (here) tells the other guy that you aren't taking him very easily. You can even lay it on thick. Then, if he takes it seriously, it makes HIM look weak, because EVERYBODY knows that "your mom" jokes are lame. Hell, FRIENDS use your mom jokes.


Socially with the ladies: chat 'em up. I guess you could try and get some game. But that's unnecessary. Just TALK to them. Be yourself. Girls are people too. Most are as fucked up mentally as you are, but they (including the really pretty ones) can be VERY good at hiding it. And look: if you start acting confidently, start handling yourself socially around the other guys, and stick to working out and learning how to fight, you're gonna do well with the ladies anyway. Never met a gal who DIDN'T like a nice, physically fit guy who knew how to fight. Hell, she might even ask you to show her some moves.... do it ;)


I don't know much about the authentic man program. But it sounds like you need to start being, well, an authentic man. Get physical. My uncles were meat heads, and my parents raised me to be smart and nice and all that stuff. Well I did okay, but recently I started hitting the gym and running every day. I feel GREAT about myself. Ten thousand times better. I'm not even doing that much and probably embarrassing myself in the gym around the super buff types. But I don't care. Because I have fun doing it.

And I know that I haven't met a chick who DIDN'T like a nice guy who was physically fit ;)
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#32 konchog uma

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Posted 13 June 2012 - 07:23 PM

"You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here." I however can't seem to feel that sense of worthiness..... it's a sad question but what does it feel like to actually love yourself?


i like that poem. but your question is hard to answer.. thats kind of like asking someone what chocolate tastes like, having never eaten it yourself. i mean i could tell you sweet and bitter etc like i can answer your question with "it feels wonderful!" but there is no real verbal matrix which can capture the feeling itself. Having been beaten and bullied a lot as a child, i can relate to your situation. I used to loathe myself and do a lot of things to perpetuate my problems without realizing that i was acting out those harmful patterns. Through spiritual practice and energetic work i have dispelled those negativities fairly thoroughly, and awakening my heart to self love was something that was a "before & after" thing... life became fundamentally different when i carried myself with self love and the heartfelt sense that i belonged right where i was. People reacted to me in a totally different way. Its like doors opened for me that had long been locked. Grass looked greener and brighter and birds sounded better. It sounds hokey but I am speaking literally.

Building compassion and virtues like kindness and love, and dispelling energetic blockages, especially in the heart, will help you. You can build virtue with meditation practice (visualization or concentration) and you don't need to take refuge, or even self-identify as a buddhist. And you can dispel blockages with qigong, yoga, meditation, even martial arts or running (i've heard that sakyong mipham's book "running with the mind of meditation" is really really good). You can work with a yogic guru who can give you shaktipat to awaken your kundalini if you really want to clean house, emotional and psychologically speaking. You can fan the flames with your spiritual practice... I recommend mark griffin's Deepen Your Practice program, but you'll have to wait 6 months before getting shaktipat. There are other ways of going about if. If you look into it and it interests you, just ask, you'll probably get 10 different recommendations, just for confusions sake.

The best thing to do is just practice what you are intuitively drawn to do in my opinion. Contemplate, if the idea of loving yourself is just a thought at first. Build that thought.. give it momentum and gravity and soon it will become an emotion. Nurture it and soon it will live in your heart in spite of what the fools that wander in samsara have to say about your life. Abandon the cruelty of the world for something better! :)
"All the philosophical theories that exist have been created by the mistaken dualistic minds of human beings. in the realm of philosophy, that which today is considered true, may tomorrow be proved to be false. No one can guarantee a philosophy's validity. Because of this any intellectual way of seeing whatsoever is always partial and relative. The fact is that there is no truth to see or to confirm logically; rather what one needs to do is to discover just how much the mind continually limits itself in a condition of dualism." -Chogyal Namkhai Norbu




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