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Practices to reduce or eliminate the influence of lust


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#1 hajimesaito

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Posted 21 November 2010 - 09:02 AM

I am recently being gripped more and more by the influence and attachment of lust. Consciously I always realize it strongly within my mind that imagining the girl sitting on the bench in a park is with me on bed and doing "weird" things is not only useless and fruitless, but also detrimental for my mental and emotional health as well as an obstruction on the way to Tao. So please suggest me some techniques, practices, meditations, methods or whatever that will allow me to either eliminate or reduce the growing force of lust in my mind.

I want to go back to the days when I wouldn't be lusty after checking out random chicks or would be watching porn so often. Frankly speaking, I may be more lusty now, but really even if I were to really have sex with some Hot chick I wouldn't feel as much pleasure as when I was a more "decent" and balanced individual who was not easily influenced by sensual desires. Its just somehow my mind is hungry for sex, but never satisfied even when "fed" with that.


Well, frankly speaking my condition is not as bad as it may sound from my post; in fact, I think I am still not in the situation where I masturbate everyday watching porn or so conditioned sexually by porn that I wouldn't get any pleasure when I have to really act that. But still, I am concerned because I know that the compartment of lust grows by reducing that of love (and in fact lust reduces real pleasure as well; think about it). I do not want to be glued to the computer just because I happened to have ended up at a site with an Ad of a semi-naked girl making sensual moves and then moved on to browse more and more (perhaps its curiosity as well). I know I was better before. Even if I ended up in a porn site, I would really get filled with desires (in other words, get an erection). Now I dont really feel as much bodily pleasure and desire after coming across anything sensual in nature, yet my "hunger" to look at it more and more has increased much than before.


Anyway, my history aside, I would really like some suggestions on how to reduce the influence of lust. I have actually decided to walk the path of celibacy for at least quite some time (may be half a year or one year) so as to again "purify" my mind that is conditioned so much with all the past experiences (of watching porn and fantasizing about sex with strangers). I am sure some kind of meditation would help. But my experience is that if not done in regularity, even meditation actually acts as a catalyst to make my mind more vulnerable to the magnet pull of sexual objects. This if from experience. Often when I have meditated after a long period, I end up getting aroused more easily. But when I have practiced it for quite some time regularly, then it indeed leads to a stronger mind that is not easily influenced by sense and desires. Lately, due to job change and hectic schedule, I have been skipping not only meditation, but also my physical exercises. I am sure this is a major reason for the shift in the strength of my mind in getting enslaved by attachment and desire.

#2 Sloppy Zhang

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Posted 21 November 2010 - 09:22 AM

Stop thinking about it.

And by that, I mean, think about something else.

The more you try *not* to think about something, the more you wind up thinking about it.

But if you think of something else, and find some other hobby to take up all the time you would spend doing whatever else you want to stop doing, then, well, you wind up not thinking about the thing you want to stop doing, and it slowly detaches from your life.
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"Only what you take with you."
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#3 zerostao

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Posted 21 November 2010 - 09:28 AM

I am recently being gripped more and more by the influence and attachment of lust. Consciously I always realize it strongly within my mind that imagining the girl sitting on the bench in a park is with me on bed and doing "weird" things is not only useless and fruitless, but also detrimental for my mental and emotional health as well as an obstruction on the way to Tao. So please suggest me some techniques, practices, meditations, methods or whatever that will allow me to either eliminate or reduce the growing force of lust in my mind.

I want to go back to the days when I wouldn't be lusty after checking out random chicks or would be watching porn so often. Frankly speaking, I may be more lusty now, but really even if I were to really have sex with some Hot chick I wouldn't feel as much pleasure as when I was a more "decent" and balanced individual who was not easily influenced by sensual desires. Its just somehow my mind is hungry for sex, but never satisfied even when "fed" with that.


Well, frankly speaking my condition is not as bad as it may sound from my post; in fact, I think I am still not in the situation where I masturbate everyday watching porn or so conditioned sexually by porn that I wouldn't get any pleasure when I have to really act that. But still, I am concerned because I know that the compartment of lust grows by reducing that of love (and in fact lust reduces real pleasure as well; think about it). I do not want to be glued to the computer just because I happened to have ended up at a site with an Ad of a semi-naked girl making sensual moves and then moved on to browse more and more (perhaps its curiosity as well). I know I was better before. Even if I ended up in a porn site, I would really get filled with desires (in other words, get an erection). Now I dont really feel as much bodily pleasure and desire after coming across anything sensual in nature, yet my "hunger" to look at it more and more has increased much than before.


Anyway, my history aside, I would really like some suggestions on how to reduce the influence of lust. I have actually decided to walk the path of celibacy for at least quite some time (may be half a year or one year) so as to again "purify" my mind that is conditioned so much with all the past experiences (of watching porn and fantasizing about sex with strangers). I am sure some kind of meditation would help. But my experience is that if not done in regularity, even meditation actually acts as a catalyst to make my mind more vulnerable to the magnet pull of sexual objects. This if from experience. Often when I have meditated after a long period, I end up getting aroused more easily. But when I have practiced it for quite some time regularly, then it indeed leads to a stronger mind that is not easily influenced by sense and desires. Lately, due to job change and hectic schedule, I have been skipping not only meditation, but also my physical exercises. I am sure this is a major reason for the shift in the strength of my mind in getting enslaved by attachment and desire.

do you practice martial arts? taiji quan is a good choice and after practicing this for sometime you will able to meditate and quite the mind.
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#4 OldChi

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Posted 21 November 2010 - 11:33 AM

Practice meditation. Don't reject and don't embrace your thoughts, simply let go.

#5 dmattwads

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Posted 21 November 2010 - 11:54 AM

I realize that the last few posts offered good advice in theory, yet did not explain how to "not think about it" , or how to "clear your mind". I had/have been dealing with the same issues as you and let me share with you what I have found that helps a lot.
If you are familiar with the cold draw aka testicle breathing this is extremely helpful with reducing the physical desire for sex. At the same time drawing that energy into your MCO is very helpful in balancing out the emotional/psychological aspects of our sex drive and sexuality.
At first I thought simply reducing the physical drive itself would help, and to a degree it did, which is what I did the cold draw for. What I learned after that is how much of sexuality is not simply a physical craving but linked to emotional/mental issues as well, and that often the various manefestations of these desires are actually clues as to our inner state of energy balance or inbalance.
If I find myself fantasizing about sexual things mostly, as though its in my head and imagination then I have found that, that is an indication that my upper dan tien is low on jing and wants more. I believe that the act of fantasizing about sex (as the upper dan tien is in the realm of visualization, imagination, abstraction) is a way that the upper dan tien feeds itself. On the other hand if I do the cold draw to my upper dan tien in such situations the desire to fantasize about such things diminishes.
If the primary desire is for someone to love us, for compannionship, to love someone else, then this is our middle dan tien showing us that it is deficient. That would explain why when we are love sick it feels as if there is a void in our hearts, because literally there is, as our middle dan tien needs more jing. 99% of the time 99% of people seek to fill this energetic void by finding someone else to love them, and thus project their heart chi into their middle dan tien, filling the void. Again I have found that if I do the cold draw to my middle dan tien when feeling this way, this feeling also diminishes.
If our primary desire is for the physical pleasure sensastions of sex, this could indicate one of two things or both. First it could be an indication that we have an excess of energy in our sexual organs. This is why when we have this feeling we feel as though we have to "release". In contrast to the deficiency symptoms of the upper and middle dan tien, this is an excess condition. It could also be that our lower dan tien is deficient and that we want the jing/chi that comes from sexual intercourse from a partner. In this case one can kill two birds with one stone. You can do the cold draw to the lower dan tien thus not only removing this excess energy from the sexual organs, but also filling up the lower dan tien at the same time, and again diminishing the desire for physical intimacy.
It would also be wise if you have experienced the feeling of lust for a protracted amount of time to do the heart healing sound and inner smile as well, as being overly excited can be harmful to the heart, and also begin the chain reaction of causing you to be overly stimulated as well.

#6 surfingbudda

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Posted 21 November 2010 - 12:30 PM

Hey guys, maybe you know the answer to this. I am kinda confused over the concept of jing and ejaculation. Is it that everytime you ejaculate you lose vital jing which is permanently gone and your body will never get back? If this is case, then is it preferable to only ejaculate with the intention of fertilization? Or is like you say, holding the excess sexual energy in too long is not beneficial and can lead to problems in itself, if so is it perfectly healthy, jing and qi wise, to ejaculate say once a month to release the body's built up sexual energy? What does mantak chia recommend, ejaculating say once a month, or to only ejaculate to have children?
For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. You must feel the Force around you; here, between you, me, the tree, the rock, everywhere, yes. - Yoda

#7 Sloppy Zhang

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Posted 21 November 2010 - 12:36 PM

I realize that the last few posts offered good advice in theory, yet did not explain how to "not think about it" , or how to "clear your mind".


I, for one, did give a suggestion for how to "not think about it"- do something else.

What happens if you sit down and say, "I'm not going to think about sex." What is the keyword that you keep repeating? Let's look at it again... "I'm not going to think about sex". That's right- SEX! It'll be on your mind even if you try to not think about it.

Do something else. Find your passion, and do it. Learn to play the guitar, for example. Learn some cords, play away. You only need four.

One of the reasons the same thoughts keep popping up, even when you try to meditate, is because those thoughts are probably the only ones you have in your free time. When you broaden the scope of what it is you do during the day, you stop being so focused on just one thing.

Now there are ways of dealing with this through meditation and/or willpower, but I highly suggest you do what I've already suggested. It's easier, and most likely will take care of the problem. I find that most people don't have a problem with sex or anything until they are told (usually by whatever spiritual tradition they are following) that it is a problem and they need to stop. Suddenly, they become more focused on sex than they've ever been simply because they have been told to stop!

Edited by Sloppy Zhang, 21 November 2010 - 12:37 PM.

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"Only what you take with you."
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#8 dmattwads

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Posted 21 November 2010 - 01:10 PM

Hey guys, maybe you know the answer to this. I am kinda confused over the concept of jing and ejaculation. Is it that everytime you ejaculate you lose vital jing which is permanently gone and your body will never get back? If this is case, then is it preferable to only ejaculate with the intention of fertilization? Or is like you say, holding the excess sexual energy in too long is not beneficial and can lead to problems in itself, if so is it perfectly healthy, jing and qi wise, to ejaculate say once a month to release the body's built up sexual energy? What does mantak chia recommend, ejaculating say once a month, or to only ejaculate to have children?


Well its kind of complicated, cause your body uses jing to make sperm, which is why you don't want to ejaculate too often, and the older you get the less frequently you want to do it. As long as you don't over do it your body can make sperm mostly from post natal jing, or the jing that your body makes from food and air. If you are doing this your body uses a miniumum of pre natal jing to make sperm, which you inherit from your parents. But if you get carried away and ejaculate more than your bodies ability to create post natal jing, then your body dips into its pre natal jing supply and that is when you begin to have negative effects.
As far as retaining jing, if you just hold it and thats it, then it can lead to stagnation eventually. If you retain it with the objective of transforming and transporting it, then you can use this energy for a lot of important inner healing and cultivation.

#9 Trunk

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Posted 21 November 2010 - 01:50 PM

.. would be watching porn so often


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#10 atena

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Posted 21 November 2010 - 02:53 PM

For me, so far the most beneficial thing has been doing some basic stretching.

#11 John Zen

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Posted 21 November 2010 - 03:15 PM

Answer two questions and I might be able to help you:

1) Do you feel like your lust goes away temporarily after masturbation?
2) Do you feel tired after masturbation?

#12 Ramon25

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Posted 21 November 2010 - 04:09 PM

If you really dont want to be a man and have a sex drive which is part of being in HEALTHY body, cut off you testicles so that you can get rid of all your testosterone. :lol: That will take away your lust!! um for the record sense taoism is about nature, having lust is natural...

#13 surfingbudda

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Posted 21 November 2010 - 04:22 PM

Hi Dmattwads,
How exactly does one start transforming and transporting one's jing for healing?
For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. You must feel the Force around you; here, between you, me, the tree, the rock, everywhere, yes. - Yoda

#14 dmattwads

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Posted 21 November 2010 - 04:25 PM

If you really dont want to be a man and have a sex drive which is part of being in HEALTHY body, cut off you testicles so that you can get rid of all your testosterone. :lol: That will take away your lust!! um for the record sense taoism is about nature, having lust is natural...


Of course having sexual attraction is natural, what is not so natural is when sex becomes problematic. You don't see animals in nature looking at animal porn, or becoming animal sex addicts. If you really want to use nature as an example you could look at it in a couple of ways. First of all most animals only mate at speific times of the year (mating season). Second a lot of creatures of the male gender die after they mate.... so what does that tell ya?
But since animals usually only mate at specific mating seasons and don't waste their jing, you don't tend to see animals in the wild with cancer and all the health problems we humans have in our society.

#15 Sloppy Zhang

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Posted 21 November 2010 - 04:29 PM

Of course having sexual attraction is natural, what is not so natural is when sex becomes problematic. You don't see animals in nature looking at animal porn, or becoming animal sex addicts. If you really want to use nature as an example you could look at it in a couple of ways. First of all most animals only mate at speific times of the year (mating season). Second a lot of creatures of the male gender die after they mate.... so what does that tell ya?
But since animals usually only mate at specific mating seasons and don't waste their jing, you don't tend to see animals in the wild with cancer and all the health problems we humans have in our society.


Looking at nature, there's about as much variety in it as there is between humans.... maybe so much so that it's hard to draw a one to one comparison?
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"What's in there?"
"Only what you take with you."
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“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” - Arthur Ashe

"Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

#16 liminal_luke

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Posted 21 November 2010 - 04:54 PM

For a fascinating discussion of fantasy and personality issues check out "The Erotic Mind" by Jack Morin. Also contains good advice for how to go about creating erotic change.




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