Jump to content


Photo
- - - - -

celibacy for 8 months...


  • Please log in to reply
88 replies to this topic

#1 Non

Non

    Tao Bum!

  • Banned
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1564 posts
  • Gender:Not Telling

Posted 06 October 2010 - 11:40 AM

I've not "spilled my cup" at least through masturbation or intercourse now for 8 months. It did give me more energy at first but now it's really no biggie. In fact it can bother me at times as I feel castrated and I feel my sexuality diminishing one day (to a point that might be damaging), but the next if I give some thought of sex then it can awaken again.

There are times when my organ just becomes irritable even though I have no desire in my mind for sex, it tingles, it itches, and begs release. What can I do? Then I go into a cycle of sadness and frustration mixed with fantasy.

So far celibacy has done not much to help me with my energetic practice but it does give me some confidence, and a slight magnetism that I enjoy. An urge to unite rather than to just release, but much of that is centered in my organ but it's also more whole body oriented.

I know I can't "get" a woman because getting implies that she has no choice in the matter or I try to force her or impinge on her free will. Im not aggressive because sex is sacred to me, and in fact much to ask for, very personal. and no woman is ever going to be interested in me, at least now she won't and that's for sure. and even so anytime later I highly doubt it.

Im not going to release it because I'm afraid of what it will do. I guess the next step is another three months, but this time do it full out and not think of sex at all, regardless if I'm feeling castrated (always have anyway) and my sexuality and my organ retreats for longer than 'seems' right.

Edited by Non, 06 October 2010 - 11:48 AM.


#2 NeiChuan

NeiChuan

    Posthumus

  • The Tao Bums
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1460 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:US

Posted 06 October 2010 - 06:26 PM

I know I can't "get" a woman because getting implies that she has no choice in the matter or I try to force her or impinge on her free will. Im not aggressive because sex is sacred to me, and in fact much to ask for, very personal. and no woman is ever going to be interested in me, at least now she won't and that's for sure. and even so anytime later I highly doubt it.

Im not going to release it because I'm afraid of what it will do. I guess the next step is another three months, but this time do it full out and not think of sex at all, regardless if I'm feeling castrated (always have anyway) and my sexuality and my organ retreats for longer than 'seems' right.



One problem seems to be your idea on celibacy.. You have to set a particular reason/perspective for doing it. If you just repress an urge like that theres consequences. Manage your emotions and your sexual energy. If your just celibate for months without activating/transforming the energy I hear theres possible problems.

Having emissions every 3 weeks isn't so bad either.

Anyway main point, change your perspective on the matter, that seems to be where the problem lies.
" To truly try is to give all you have, when you have nothing left."

#3 C T

C T

    Gap Bum

  • The Tao Bums
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 5468 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:In a raindrop
  • Interests:Ephemeralism

Posted 07 October 2010 - 01:24 AM

Nei Chuan is correct.

Its all about first having the right frame of mind.

Then follows the correct motivation.

With the correct motivation, your intent is aligned, so harmony is created.

When there is harmony, whatever arises will not impede the flow, and you can remain calm and centered most of the time.

I was totally celibate for nine years. You are right... after the first few months, it becomes a 'no biggie'.

But then i never experienced the issues you seem to be wrestling with. So i cant say if you are right or wrong in your understandings of celibacy and its usefulness.

(btw i returned to having a normal relationship, by choice, in March 2008. Any post-trauma? None.)

Om svabhava shuddha sarva dharma svabhava shuddho 'ham!
Om shunyata jnana vajra svabhava atmako 'ham! 
Om ah hum hra phat!
Om muni muni mahamuni Shakyamuniye svaha! 
  
Appearances are mind, mind is emptiness, emptiness is spontaneous presence, spontaneous presence is self-liberation.
(9th Karmapa)
 

The objects perceived by sentient beings 

are like the appearance of illusions;

Sentient beings themselves are in the nature of illusion

they all arise through dependent origination. - Nagarjuna


#4 Non

Non

    Tao Bum!

  • Banned
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1564 posts
  • Gender:Not Telling

Posted 07 October 2010 - 12:07 PM

I guess it's conflicting desires. A part of me thinks that since I'm a virgin and never had a relationship, I shouldn't throw away any slight chance or opportunity, so if I happen to run across that in my goal of 3 months no orgasm, no mini orgasm, no nothing (except for the kundalini type which Im hoping for) I should take the chance. I dont want to kill my sexuality such that any woman will not like me because I am showing to be "asexual" or something else. At the same time I do want the benefits, and I know there are benefits to not orgasming. In fact even if I did find a woman I would want to just practice tantra or karezza and not ejaculate. I fear what passionate sex and ejaculation would do to the both of us, and make us into animals again caught in a coolidge effect, breaking my heart and then ending up alone again. Also having to deal with depletion and instability.

At thje same time I think approaching sexuality in this way means that the "game of attraction" changes, or that the rituals practiced to change a mate is different. Ie, that Im not to be too aggressive, and passionate, etc. but that may also mean that women will misinterpret me or think I'm just weird.

Edited by Non, 07 October 2010 - 12:09 PM.


#5 Jetsun

Jetsun

    Tao Bum!

  • The Tao Bums
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 2962 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Interests:The Fourth Way, Buddhism, Vortex Healing, Stillness

Posted 07 October 2010 - 12:32 PM

One problem seems to be your idea on celibacy.. You have to set a particular reason/perspective for doing it. If you just repress an urge like that theres consequences. Manage your emotions and your sexual energy. If your just celibate for months without activating/transforming the energy I hear theres possible problems.


Yeah I agree with this you need to make sure the energy is being transformed in the right way. Gurdjieff says some interesting things about celibacy saying that for some people it's useful and others it's not and some for only a period of time, but if you do go celibate you have to transform the energy or there are two consequences you can see in some Christian monks who practice it who don't have the correct exercises to deal with the energy and as a result they either go fat and lazy or thin and cruel/vindictive.

Edited by Jetsun, 07 October 2010 - 12:32 PM.


#6 Non

Non

    Tao Bum!

  • Banned
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1564 posts
  • Gender:Not Telling

Posted 07 October 2010 - 02:33 PM

ive tried microcosmic orbiting. It just doesn't work. For the time being the only thing that makes the irritation in my subconscious mind or organ go away is any other focus. But it's still running in the background.

the 6th tibetan rite doesn't work. Nothing works. It still comes back.

Loneliness is probably a factor, especially the type that isn't sexual at all, but still craves a feminine presence... as too much male presence is not good for me as it already has been. But I'm always in a state of lack, and since I'm in a state of lack, to seek it would only put a temporary cap on it, but the explosion is still waiting underneath and ends up never really doing anything because I'll just get more lack.

I know my spirit is beyond all of this, but my physical body has not been. Do I need to spend countless hours meditating? only to be brought back to the body before it has gotten to change it's desires, or reprogram, or recondition itself to withstand celibacy for great periods of time?

or is dual cultivation the only way? I've got a life, and normal sexuality just doesn't cut it for me. It always creates more lack, and instability. It always comes from lack and longing.

#7 Apech

Apech

    Ghost Cat

  • The Tao Bums
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 8491 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Absent
  • Interests:Ancient Egypt, Hermeticism, Meditation, Buddhism other stuff

Posted 07 October 2010 - 03:05 PM

Loneliness is probably a factor, especially the type that isn't sexual at all, but still craves a feminine presence... as too much male presence is not good for me as it already has been. But I'm always in a state of lack, and since I'm in a state of lack, to seek it would only put a temporary cap on it, but the explosion is still waiting underneath and ends up never really doing anything because I'll just get more lack.



If you look at male and female as pure polarities (like + and - electric charge) as distinct to human genders, then we are all a ratio or proportion male and female. If you crave a feminine presence then your body is telling you that it wants to balance. Because you are slightly out of balance - especially if you feel unhappy. The best thing, since bodies are very wise, is to give it what it feels it needs. It would be theoretically possible to achieve this balance with inner alchemy but quite difficult. I think you need to go and be in the presence of women that you like. I don't mean sex - I mean genuine warmth, conversation and so on.

If you want kundalini arousal and so on - then the world can be a great teacher. If you interact with it with the right heart + spirit then it can provide a kind of wholeness in practice that is difficult in isolation.

These are my thoughts on reading your posts. Do with them as you see fit.

#8 Non

Non

    Tao Bum!

  • Banned
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1564 posts
  • Gender:Not Telling

Posted 07 October 2010 - 05:14 PM

If you look at male and female as pure polarities (like + and - electric charge) as distinct to human genders, then we are all a ratio or proportion male and female. If you crave a feminine presence then your body is telling you that it wants to balance. Because you are slightly out of balance - especially if you feel unhappy. The best thing, since bodies are very wise, is to give it what it feels it needs. It would be theoretically possible to achieve this balance with inner alchemy but quite difficult. I think you need to go and be in the presence of women that you like. I don't mean sex - I mean genuine warmth, conversation and so on.

If you want kundalini arousal and so on - then the world can be a great teacher. If you interact with it with the right heart + spirit then it can provide a kind of wholeness in practice that is difficult in isolation.

These are my thoughts on reading your posts. Do with them as you see fit.


yea no there aren't any women that care to be in my presence so that isn't an option. any new ones too. in fact it's all predetermined it seems that they all will avoid me for some reason like I'm unfit for anything, for any feminine presence. not even Goddess.

Edited by Non, 07 October 2010 - 05:15 PM.


#9 Guest_paul walter_*

Guest_paul walter_*
  • Guests

Posted 07 October 2010 - 05:47 PM

ive tried microcosmic orbiting. It just doesn't work. For the time being the only thing that makes the irritation in my subconscious mind or organ go away is any other focus. But it's still running in the background.

the 6th tibetan rite doesn't work. Nothing works. It still comes back.

Loneliness is probably a factor, especially the type that isn't sexual at all, but still craves a feminine presence... as too much male presence is not good for me as it already has been. But I'm always in a state of lack, and since I'm in a state of lack, to seek it would only put a temporary cap on it, but the explosion is still waiting underneath and ends up never really doing anything because I'll just get more lack.

I know my spirit is beyond all of this, but my physical body has not been. Do I need to spend countless hours meditating? only to be brought back to the body before it has gotten to change it's desires, or reprogram, or recondition itself to withstand celibacy for great periods of time?

or is dual cultivation the only way? I've got a life, and normal sexuality just doesn't cut it for me. It always creates more lack, and instability. It always comes from lack and longing.




Don't forget to give up all the theories and ideas you have about yourself and all the suffering you put yourself through, that's also a great 'practice'. You're actually progressing , get back into contact with me if you want to finish the process, ok? Paul

#10 Apech

Apech

    Ghost Cat

  • The Tao Bums
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 8491 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Absent
  • Interests:Ancient Egypt, Hermeticism, Meditation, Buddhism other stuff

Posted 08 October 2010 - 12:32 AM

yea no there aren't any women that care to be in my presence so that isn't an option. any new ones too. in fact it's all predetermined it seems that they all will avoid me for some reason like I'm unfit for anything, for any feminine presence. not even Goddess.


Clearly I don't know you or your circumstances but these things are like a feedback loop. Its all about feeling ... if you feel good about yourself then people will tend to feel good about you ... ( I know this sounds like a cliche but its true).

#11 King Kabalabhati

King Kabalabhati

    Tao Bum!

  • The Tao Bums
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 586 posts

Posted 08 October 2010 - 01:22 AM

Loneliness is IME something one can use. To go deep into the pain it causes to be lonely and to allow it to break your heart open. After that it's all "aloneness" with no emotion attached to it.

edit: Once you become a man of power there will probably be women wanting your company. Depending on your path you may want to spend time with them or you will simply direct them towards proper cultivation so they can also find they need nobody :)

Edited by King Kabalabhati, 08 October 2010 - 01:36 AM.


#12 DanTin

DanTin

    Member

  • The Tao Bums
  • Pip
  • 16 posts
  • Gender:Male

Posted 08 October 2010 - 06:47 AM

yea no there aren't any women that care to be in my presence so that isn't an option. any new ones too. in fact it's all predetermined it seems that they all will avoid me for some reason like I'm unfit for anything, for any feminine presence. not even Goddess.


This is undobtably a self esteem problem. Listen , I get the impression we think alike, beside the female problem part. Don't get me wrong I'm into celibacy, I also think it's a great thing, but nothing is stoping me from getting to know women, flirt, date, it's all about the frame of mind that comes from self esteem. And it's enjoyable.

I confess that some time ago I also used to have self esteem problems, it's very common in today's society, sadly. The so called fix that I discovered is that "the little things make big things happen", look into yourself what is/are the root/roots of the problem.

The part with no girl wants to meet you is completely wrong, it's absolutely absurd. We are all great each and every one of us, that includes you. Confidence ... you got it when you aren't looking for it, don't doubt it you have it. Another thing, if you know you got some problems, beeing totally honest with yourself, don't delay getting them fixed.

Good luck

P.S. Such big changes don't happen over night, they are just like meditation, they require work. :)

Edited by DanTin, 08 October 2010 - 06:51 AM.


#13 NeiChuan

NeiChuan

    Posthumus

  • The Tao Bums
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1460 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:US

Posted 09 October 2010 - 02:07 AM

Non you seem to be wanting to work against yourself. Theres nothing outside your comfort zone that could be worse then a lifetime of lonliness. And remember lonliness is different then solitude.
" To truly try is to give all you have, when you have nothing left."

#14 Non

Non

    Tao Bum!

  • Banned
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1564 posts
  • Gender:Not Telling

Posted 09 October 2010 - 06:42 AM

This is undobtably a self esteem problem. Listen , I get the impression we think alike, beside the female problem part. Don't get me wrong I'm into celibacy, I also think it's a great thing, but nothing is stoping me from getting to know women, flirt, date, it's all about the frame of mind that comes from self esteem. And it's enjoyable.

I confess that some time ago I also used to have self esteem problems, it's very common in today's society, sadly. The so called fix that I discovered is that "the little things make big things happen", look into yourself what is/are the root/roots of the problem.

The part with no girl wants to meet you is completely wrong, it's absolutely absurd. We are all great each and every one of us, that includes you. Confidence ... you got it when you aren't looking for it, don't doubt it you have it. Another thing, if you know you got some problems, beeing totally honest with yourself, don't delay getting them fixed.

Good luck

P.S. Such big changes don't happen over night, they are just like meditation, they require work. :)


Everything's not always self esteem issues. It can be issues with esteem in others.

#15 Spectrum

Spectrum

    Yee Chuan Tao / Yi Quan Dao

  • The Tao Bums
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 2290 posts
  • Gender:Male

Posted 09 October 2010 - 04:28 PM

[quote name='Non' date='09 October 2010 - 06:42 AM' timestamp='1286635377' post='216712']
Everything's not always self esteem issues. It can be issues with esteem in others.

lay down and die
eye to I
me me me
AVMNOP
spectrum vidavlan
Yee Chuan Tao
Taoist Martial Healing

#16 dmattwads

dmattwads

    Tao Bum!

  • The Tao Bums
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1754 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Austin, TX
  • Interests:TCM (currently student), Theravada Buddhism

Posted 09 October 2010 - 04:31 PM

You know I've sort of been pondering this topic from a slightly different angel. I am in a really bad relationship, and hope to get out of it in the not to distant future. Thing is I have been pondering what it is to be sociable. Ideal I do not want to go out and get in another relationship, but as I ponder being singel again it seems to have this very strong draw on me. I can't exactely explain why but I have begun to view needing/wanting to be in a relationship with someone as a "weakness", maybe its stupid, but it seems like a position of "lack". I guess I think that if something in me was not lacking that I would not desire another person, because I'd be content with in myself. Now I know the hermits and monks do not get into relationships for the most part, and if they do it all their life then they never do. So is this the highest ideal? Is wanting and needing someone else a sign of too much attachment, or neediness?




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users